It's been a while..

Didn't realize how long it's been since I posted anything on here. Things have been fairly crazy in my life and I haven't had much of a break. Every time I think about writing a post, I'm busy and when I finally have a few moments to sit down and get online, I either forget that I was thinking about it or there are lots of people around and I don't write well when I know someone could just look over and see my progress. I know that sound weird because I'm posting these online for everyone to see but it's just one of my many little quirks (probably picked up from my mom).
Like I said, it's been hectic since I got back from my last mission. We had to do all of our debriefing and then my team got shoved into this ridiculous two week training course that did absolutely nothing but cause us stress and basically waste a lot of time. But it was a necessary thing for us to do and I must say, we rocked it. Then, we got shoved into getting ready for our next mission and with that, the arrival of seven new team members to replace those who were leaving. I had just gotten used to the team I was on and was trying to improve in the areas that I had been having problems with and then BOOM! New people to train.So I very quickly got my act together and started trying to help the new guys get situated into Team 2.
During my time in port, after trying to get over the fact that I had had my heart broken in the middle of the last mission, I attempted to start a new relationship with a guy I met on base. In retrospect, jumping into a new relationship so soon after my last debacle and with only a few weeks to actually spend with him was not my best decision. I regret not thinking about it more because it caused unneeded drama and pain on both ends. But now my mind is clear and I know that I will be able to enjoy being single without any doubts for a while. Being in the command I'm in is not conducive to a stable relationship, I'm on mission too often to build something firm. I feel very knuckleheaded for not listening to advice given to me at the time, but at least I did come to my senses before I let things get too serious.
This mission so far has been...interesting. I won't go into details because frankly, it irritates me too much to think about certain things and I'm trying to remain calm and controlled. I've basically just been trying to focus on myself and only myself because that's all I really can do. Most things are out of my control, so I'm just gonna focus on my job and do it the best I can and hope that I'm seen for the hard worker I can really be. I don't want people focusing on the bad parts of my past anymore, I want them to see the changes and see that I want to be what I'm expected to be and better. Unfortunately, some people can't always see past my shortcomings and while I wish I could change their minds for them, I know that I can't. So that's why I just keep focusing on me and trying not to worry about what they think of who I was then. It's not easy but I make myself try, because if I don't have something to strive for, then I have nothing.
A lot of my drive and motivation has actually come from an unexpected source, I recently reconnected with my former fiancee. We're not getting back together, I don't want people to get the wrong idea, but we rekindled a friendship and he has been very helpful in giving me motivating advice and reminding me of why I do what I do. He has found a new woman to heal his heart and while there will always be that tiny pang of jealousy, simply because of our past, I am happy for the two of them and I wish him all the happiness in the world. I feel like he and I have turned a new page and while we won't ever quite get to where we were before this time last year, I have hope for our friendship and I will cherish it for as long as it lasts because he was my best friend for two years and I can never forget that.
Since this past February, I have had a lot of good moments and I have had a lot of bad moments. At some points it has seemed like the bad outweighed the good, and there were days when I didn't even feel like it was worth it to get out of bed because nothing seemed worth my time, but looking back, when I had good moments, they were really good. And I have been blessed beyond measure with the most amazing and supportive parents and family I could ever ask for. I have incredible friends that have stood by my side when I needed them most. I learned some invaluable life lessons, I learned how hurtful the world can be, but also how healing the world can be. I look back, and am grateful for every day that I got to wake up, breathe, and live this crazy life that God has given me. I've hit rock bottom and from there, turned to Him and gave everything up and He has brought me back up. I will never be the same as who I was when I arrived out here, but in some ways, I'm glad that I'm not the same. I will never make some of the same mistakes again, but others I'm sure I will, because that's what we humans do. The only true mistake though, is the one we don't learn from and I am trying so hard to learn from every little mistake I make, so that I can make myself a better person. I am not perfect, I am flawed just like the next person. There are pieces of me that have been broken that may never be fully fixed, but I hope that they are. It's a terrible thing to go through life holding on to every little bit of pain the world throws at you so I'm doing my best to just let it bounce off me and move on.
It's been a while since I've been able to coherently put my thoughts into words like this, there's been a lot of anger, hurt and sadness running through my mind, but hopefully I'm turning a corner now and can start the uphill battle. I can finally count the days until I get to go home and see my family, even for a little bit and that tiny piece of hope is enough for me.

Sorry for the feelsy kind of post but I just had to get all this out there before I said it all out loud and got reminded of the fact that I'm actually a girl by my teammates. I swear they do actually care about me..I think lol

Anyways, you guys have a great and blessed day and I will see (hopefully a good portion of people) you soon.

Love always from your favorite MA,

Victoria

Home sweet barracks

Well, I made it. First year, first command, first mission all under my little seaman belt. It was definitely an interesting few months with its fair share of ups and downs but at the end of it all, I learned a lot and I think it's going to make me better in the long run. I know I still have a lot to learn about being in the Navy as well as being an adult living on my own out here, but after everything I dealt with during mission, I think I can handle it.
I couldn't decide for a long time whether I was excited about coming back to Bahrain or dreading it. I've only been back for a day and everything already seems so different now that all my friends are either gone home or out on their own deployments. Everyone that I came here with or met during my first period of time here is pretty much gone and the base honestly seems quieter without them (ironic as the people down the hall from me are yelling so loud I can hear them almost as clearly as if they were next to me). I miss the way it was but I'm hoping I can have close to as good a time as I did before. I'm changing the way I do a few things and I'm going to be throwing myself into studying for my warfare device so I'm crossing my fingers that I can keep myself distracted enough to not think about being lonely.
My first day back consisted of me sleeping for an exceptionally long time, then doing the oh so fun task of unpacking and organizing all of my stuff. You know, for a seaman living in the barracks, I have a LOT of stuff. I didn't even realize it until I was unpacking and separating everything out to put away or clean and I realized that in the past year I have accumulated a great amount of things. Not complaining, just making an observation and wondering how on earth I'm going to get it all to my next command. I've got a year and a half before I transfer but with the rate that the first six months flew by, it's gonna creep up on me before I know it. Hooray for shipping things ahead of me.
It is fantastic to have regular access to the internet, you never know how much you use or want something until you can't have it. Spending three months with only ship email and a few military sites was enough to make me realize how much I appreciate the internet and how easy it makes contacting my family and friends. I gotta do this for another year and a half? Ugh, first world problems haha.
Well I don't have much more to say, I'm going to get some more sleep before my second day off in a row. Yea that was weird, I had all day today and I'll have all day tomorrow where I don't actually have to work and I don't know what to do with myself. I've just been sitting on my bed staring at the computer wondering what on earth I'm supposed to be doing. It's the weirdest, yet a very welcome, feeling. I'll actually be kind of glad to go into work on Sunday so I can do SOMETHING productive at least before we get our 96 special liberty and have another four days off.
Okay, going to stop rambling now. Goodnight my little blog readers!
Land-side hugs from your favorite MA,
Victoria

It's only just the beginning

Wow I can't believe it's only been three weeks since we got underway. It feels like much longer than that, yet less at the same time. I guess working every night for 12 hours without a real break will do that. We pull in to port pretty regularly, but it's really only for a day or so, not long enough to make much of a difference. My sleeping schedule has been thrown for a complete loop, I don't even know what time of day it is normally, which is kind of fun sometimes. I find myself waking up during my off time thinking that somehow I've missed shift or rotation and nobody has woken me up (which would totally never happen, my ass would be dead if I missed work) and then I realize I'm still in my pajamas and that it's only 3 pm and I'm not late. That's always interesting.
So far I've had lots of fun adventures being on a ship for the first time, my favorite being that yesterday we had swim call and got to jump off and swim on the side of the ship. That was possibly one of the coolest things I've ever done in my life. I don't think there are many people in this world who can say they have swum off the coast of Somalia in the middle of the ocean. It was so much fun, a great decompressor for me after working non stop. Getting in the water and just chilling for a couple hours relaxed me a lot.
There isn't really much to talk about other than that, it's the same thing every day; get up, work, get off work, sleep, repeat. It's a simple life and I enjoy it, I get a lot of sun so my arms are officially a different race than the rest of my body and my sunglasses have tanned raccoon eyes on me. Such is life and I still have a long way to go on this mission.
I miss you all so much and I hope that these little tidbits give you some insight into my simple little life.
Sleepy greetings from your favorite MA,
Victoria

I'm living the Lion King

Woah! Somehow I've ended up in the lovely African heat on this Easter Sunday. Could I be any more lucky? Ahaha I'm kidding. This sucks. It's hotter than hell here and I left Bahrain a day earlier than I was planning to which means I didn't get to say goodbye to a lot of people and that really bothers me. My last night in Bahrain was not what I was expecting, it was both good and bad. Of course, because everyone in the military is basically the equivalent of a high school girl, there was some stupid drama that just HAD to go down in my last few hours. But once I left the scene of the drama, the night took a turn for the better, I had a really great evening with one of my best friends on the island. We had a couple really great talks and stayed up late just enjoying each others company. I'm definitely going to miss him a lot. Woke up this morning at OH MY GOD IT'S EARLY o'clock and left it all behind. The next few months are going to be interesting for sure. I have to get used to not seeing certain people every day, or being able to call them to come hug me when I'm having a bad day. And it's worse knowing that when I do come back to Bahrain, most likely they'll all be gone. I love the military more than anything, but I hate getting close to people and then having to say goodbye not too long after. Granted, with modern technology it's easier to stay in contact with people, but it's not the same as actually being able to see them face to face. But I've gotten through tougher things in my life and I know I can get through this. Who knows, maybe I'll see them further down the road in our careers. With a certain few people I really hope that happens.
Back to Africa. Oh. My. Gosh. I can not imagine being stationed here. It's hot, isolated, dirty and hot (yes I said it twice because it's not even really summer here and it's freaking hot out!). The best thing I've seen so far is the galley, the food there is remarkably good, but still. I would not want to be living here on a permanent basis. Right now they have us staying in tent barracks which do give the illusion of actually being deployed but are highly inconvenient for privacy or being on someones good side. People are always sleeping in there and they get mightily irritated if you flip the light on, but of course there are no windows so if the door is closed, it's pitch black so you HAVE to turn the light on so you don't trip and die. I think I actually got growled at earlier....
I'm excited to get going on mission and finally get some experience instead of just training. I don't know how often I'll be able to update or what I can share, but I'll do my best. All I can ask for is for everyone to bear with me on this crazy adventure that is my life.
Long distance love from your favorite MA,
Victoria

I don't have a witty title for this

This is just kind of a general update, I've been beyond tired recently and honestly can't completely remember what all I've done since I last posted. Things have been up and down a lot here recently and that's been both good and bad. It's funny, I thought when I joined the military and started living on my own, that the people I work and live with would be a little more mature than the people I had to spend my adolescent years with. High school drama was the bane of my teenage existence yet it always seemed to be drawn to me. I was hoping that when I moved out here, people would be a bit more grown up. They're not. It is remarkable to me, the lack of maturity and common sense that people seem to have. People who have been in the military longer than me and have been here in Bahrain longer than me, that have the emotional and mental age of a middle schooler, it's completely ridiculous. Just from walking around and trying to hang out with different people and make friends, I get so damn frustrated that sometimes I have to go lay down and count to ten. Now, I know that I'm not everybody's favorite person, there isn't one person on this planet that is liked by everybody that they know. But generally speaking, I would say that I'm a pleasant person. And I really do try to give every one a chance to give a good first impression and to give them a chance to show me that it's worth it to me to spend time getting to know them and be friendly. It is so freaking hard sometimes though because (especially the NSF master at arms) are a bunch of catty little girls. Oh. My. God. When I'm getting told by them to NOT hang out with people from their command, you know there's a problem. Apparently, they are all out to get each other and I can't trust any of them...yea that makes me feel so comfortable...
I still try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but there are certain people that just rub me the wrong way. They're the people that walk into the room and my mood instantly drops, I can't help it, they just make me uncomfortable. Especially when I'm so protective of the few people that I have become friends with, I don't like when certain others show up. I won't outright be a bitch to them, but I'm not all cozy friendly with them. And it sucks because all I want is to go out and have fun with my friends on the weekend and I always end up irritated. But I can handle that, it helps that they're not actually in my command so I don't have to see them on a daily basis...that would be umm....unfortunate.
Okay so now that I got that little rant out of the way, on to the more pertinent news. I have officially been put on a team and can expect to deploy around the end of this month. I can't say exactly when, for how long or where we will go, but at some point in the near future I'm kinda gonna fall of the face of the planet for a little bit. Please don't be worried, we just don't have access to a lot on the internet on our ship. When I'm in port and can get wifi, I'll update the best I can, but obviously I don't know when or how often that will be. Just bear with me and know that whenever I can, I'll be in contact and give updates.
I'm a little sad, most likely by the time I get back to Bahrain, all of my friends in the Marine platoon here will be back in the states because their deployment will be over. I've gotten really close to these guys and they're my best friends on the island and I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do when they're gone. They've helped me get acclimated to life here, kept me company, given me laughs when I've had bad days and just been great friends in general. People ask me how I can be friends with grunts, and I just remind them that they're normal people like the rest of us. Just because they carry the title of Marine grunt doesn't make them any less intelligent or less of a person than anyone. In fact, I think that some of these guys are better than a lot of sailors I know. They look out for each other and anyone that they bring into their group, including dorky little me. They're great people and I'm going to be very sad to say goodbye to them.
**I don't want any crap from any of you Charlie 4 guys who might read this. I had a momentary girly phase but I can still take all you :P
I don't have much more to report, I'm just settling into the Navy routine and training hard as I can. I keep being reminded of how happy I am that I made this decision and that nothing will ever make me regret doing everything that I've done up to this point. I'm in the best possible place I could be.
Tomorrow I have to move rooms because they're renovating the barracks here. I hired a few of my buddies to help me. How did I convince them do you ask? I told them I would pay them in beer. I got a unanimous and instantaneous YES from them. It was quite comical actually. They haven't seen how much crap I actually have though. They're probably going to hate me. But I shall have beer, so all will be well.
Okay, that's all I have for you lovely folks who read this little nugget of randomness. Until next time!
Love always from your favorite MA,
Victoria

This is a public service announcement...

This is going to be a short post because I have to run and take care of some other stuff here on base, but I felt the need to put this out there just so everyone is clear:

Please, do not get butthurt if you send me one (or more) messages and I don't reply. I am not purposely ignoring you, it is not personal. Here on base, the wi-fi is spotty at best, so often I don't actually get any messages for a day or more. Also, sometimes my computer/phone don't register that I have messages for whatever reason, technology isn't perfect and not everything gets to me in a timely manner. If you send me something and it registers that I "read" it but didn't reply, I probably was rushing to clear out any notifications that did suddenly flood in and I didn't actually have time to formulate a response. This is a common occurence and has even happened to my own parents. I often clear out my unread messages and then completely forget to go back and actually read them for a few days (once even a week). Again, this is not personal against anyone, I am all over the place right now, trying to get settled in to my new home and balance work, spending time with my new friends here so we don't go insane and shutting everything out once in a while for some personal quiet time. My mind is a little scattered and I'm trying to make it focus on work more than anything else. I don't always have the time or the mental capacity to answer every message that I get, I do good to remember to talk to my parents and even then sometimes I just completely forget (sorry Mom and Dad, I love you guys :P). There is a lot of change going on in my life right now, and while I miss everyone dearly back home, I'm also trying to focus on what is going on immediately around me, if I don't do that then I will dwell too much on things that will bring me down and that's just not an option. So please, if you have sent me one or more messages, on any forum that I have, and I haven't answered, I'M NOT IGNORING YOU. I am simply human and forget things. Do not take it personally, do not get butthurt. Quite honestly, that is the quickest way to annoy me and will actually make me not want to answer because I do not deal with drama anymore. I don't have the time or patience for that.

Now, I will apologize for the harshness of that post. It was not directed at anyone in particular (going back to the whole "it's not personal" thing), just a general announcement over things that have been happening in the last month. Yes that was a very forward post, but I often find that beating around the bush gets me nowhere so I just kinda come out and say what I think. If this post in any way offended you....I don't know what to tell you. I simply stated my opinions as I have a right to do. Everyone knows that I love them dearly, even though I can sometimes be a little brusque. I do appreciate all the support that I get from everyone back home, more than you know. It keeps me going while I'm out here, so please don't think I'm taking your concerns and cares for granted. Like I've said before, lot's of changes are happening very quickly in my life and it's an adjustment for me and everyone, so please, take what I've said to heart. I'm not ignoring anyone, just trying to balance everything at once and nobody can actually do that do humor my airheadedness.
Lots of (sometimes tough) love from your favorite MA,
Victoria

The Roman Empire

So I asked for suggestions about what to post about, seeing as with not much going on here, I was running out of stuff to say, and my wonderful mother gave me a suggestion:
The Holy Roman Empire was neither holy, nor Roman, nor an empire.
I'll be quite honest...this completely confuses me. My guess is that it's a Monty Python reference which, if so, makes me ashamed to call myself an MP fan because I should know that. I'm not entirely sure how an empire that is supposed to be Roman isn't...if you say you're Roman then you probably are. As for holy, well I'm not about to discuss religion on a public website that technically any of my superiors at work could read. I do not want to open that can of worms at work *shudder* as for empire ummmm have you read about the Roman Empire? They were pretty much a bunch of badasses. The legions of warriors that they had were legendary in their strength and all that stuff. I wouldn't want to start a fight with the ancient Romans and I have modern day technology on my side.
I would love to travel back in time and see what it was like to live in the Ancient times, whether Greek or Roman. I love their history, culture, mythology and even their architecture. Plus the dresses that the women wore? Ugh I wish I could get away with wearing those now!
In other news, I've officially been here in sunny Bahrain for a month today. Wow has a lot happened in that month. I'm not recapping because that would take to long but suffice to say that there have been some incredibly good times and some completely terrible, drag me to the floor out of pure exhaustion and frustration times. I know I'm gonna get shit for saying this but, being an adult is hard! The Navy is like, "Okay! We're gonna give you two months of 24/7 supervised training followed for two months of almost the same thing and then BAM! You still have more schools but we're making you decide everything for yourself now when we've been doing it for you for four months." My thoughts? Oh thanks...I'm living outside of my house and country for the first time ever and you just expect me to know exactly what to do. Roger that. I know, I know, I shouldn't complain, I've got it pretty good, but sometimes it's just so frustrating I wanna scream. But I am lucky, my command is amazing and supportive and even though I'm a newbie here, they've welcomed me with open arms into the CRG-2 family. I had some personal problems go down last night (nope, not going into it, everything's okay I promise just stupid high school type drama :P) and it was affecting the way that I was acting this morning at work. Two of my petty officers pulled me to the side and sat me down to have a private talk and let me know that whatever was going on, they were here for me if I needed help. To have two seasoned sailors like that, who barely know me tell me that they would take care of me if I was having problems was very touching . It makes me feel even better with my choice of duty stations. I could have gotten so many places and I got this one.
Okay, that's all I have for tonight. I'm pretty tired so I'm going to get in comfy clothes and watch a movie and cuddle with my minion who usually lives in my window. I miss everyone back home and I can't wait to visit and then come home in 23 months.
Sleepy love from your favorite MA,
Victoria